


s e p e r a t e

by NinthFeather



Category: Code Geass
Genre: (for the romantic ship), Character Study, Codependency, Dysfunctional Family, Free Verse, One-Sided Attraction, Physical Disability, Poetry, Relationship Study, Siblings in Parental Roles, not mobile friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-27
Updated: 2011-08-10
Packaged: 2019-08-09 03:34:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16442222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinthFeather/pseuds/NinthFeather
Summary: Closeness can suffocate, sometimes. But even the tightest bonds can snap under pressure.[Two related works on the topic of Lelouch and Nunally's somewhat unhealthy sibling relationship.  Free verse with experimental formatting, originally published in 2011 on Fanfiction.net and reposted here primarily for archival purposes.]





	1. s e p e r a t e

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an old and experimental work, but I'm pleased enough with it and its companion poem to want to back it up. While you have the right to comment if you like, I'm not particularly looking for concrit here. I mostly just don't want to lose either of these works if FFN goes down.

Shirley

doesn't get it

Because to her they've always been

LelouchandNunally

Say-it-without-taking-a-breath-in-between

Because they aren't even a breath apart.

Lelouch

**a**

**l**

**w**

**a**

**y**

**s**

knows where Nunnally is

and usually she's right beside him.

_(He's afraid of letting her out of his sight_

_Because the world is so large and so cruel_

_And she is so small and so fragile.)_

Shirley never knew Lelouch

when he was just Lelouch

Even if it was "Prince Lelouch"

.

.

.

_(Sometimes Lelouch wonders if he ever knew that Lelouch either)_

She never knew Lelouch-and-Nunnally

from the days after "Look, a new baby sister!"

but before glass and blood coated the stairs

**All she knows is LelouchandNunnally**

_(The Lelouch who gambles at chess to pay for his sister's wheelchair_

_The Lelouch who can't make the meeting today because it's Sayoko's day off_

_And someone needs to take care of Nunnally.)_

 

_(The Nunnally who smiles at her brother but can't see him return it._

_The Nunnally who has to depend on Lelouch and Sayoko_

_because she can no longer take care of herself.)_

And so Shirley continues wondering why Lelouch isn't interested

in being together.

She doesn't get it.

That LelouchandNunnally sometimes feels a little like suffocating

And that he's worried that LelouchandShirley would feel like that too.

He's fine with

Lelouch…Shirley

**Not together but separate**

It's almost like being

Lelouch.

And if just being Lelouch

Still feels like being LelouchandNunnally

_(Because even in his free time he can't stop wondering if she's still safe because no one can protect her like he can and he should never have left her with someone else who isn't him)_

There's not much he can do about it

Is there?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, a bonus disclaimer: some of Lelouch's overprotectiveness probably comes off as kinda ableist. YMMV, but I personally feel like between the toxic attitudes of the people around him growing up and his own insistence on doing everything for Nunnally, this is not an unreasonable characterization choice. This is neither the time nor place for my Feelings About the Treatment of Wheelchair-Users in Mecha Anime but know that while probably 2011!me wrote some of this by accident, it fits Lelouch's character and I'm keeping it for that reason, not because I actually think blind wheelchair users are unable to accomplish things.


	2. s e p e r a t e : 0

Lelouch had never known it could break

How would he?

His life was so bound up with hers

That when he tried to find the ends of the strings and

~u~n~t~a~n~g~l~e~

He didn't even know where to start

Because they were connected

e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e

But with four words:

  1. I
  2. Accept
  3. Your
  4. Contract.



It all started to

f

a

l

l

apart.

All he needed was eye contact, and he could make anyone do anything.

_(How strange, then, that the only eyes he couldn't look into were hers)_

He used his power the same way he used everything else he had.

For her.

_(A gentler world, that was her wish, and he promised himself that he would make it come true)_

But in doing everything for her, he forgot

to do everything with her.

He left home early

Came home late,

Spent most of his time at home in his room.

_~She sat at the kitchen table and folded her wishes for his happiness into cranes~_

He murdered

Manipulated

Sacrificed his own innocence at the altar of his sister's.

_~She started to forget the sound of her brother's voice~_

The threads

stretched thin

and came u n d o n e

LelouchandNunnally

Became

Lelouch-and-Nunnally

And then

Lelouch and Nunnally

Until the gaps were just too wide to bridge.

 

But even after everything that had bound them had been s e p a r a t e d

Lelouch clung to broken pieces of thread

Slippery in blood-soaked fingers

And tried to re-weave her broken dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note that there have been minor revisions to the AO3 versions of the poems, in particular "s e p e r a t e : 0."


End file.
